Nikita did not wish to go at all, but he had been accustomed not to have his own way and to serve others for so long that there was no one to hinder the departing travelers.
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It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” —Marcus Aurelius
I did not want to raise you in fear or false memory. I did not want you forced to mask your joys and bind your eyes. What I wanted for you was to grow into consciousness. I resolved to hide nothing from you.
A Clot of Blood
“Their intrigues and hatreds and vengeful acquisitiveness had forced even simple virtues into tokens of exchange and barter. He would go away, there was nothing simpler. Somewhere where he could escape the oppressive claims everything made on him. But he knew that a hard lump of loneliness had long ago formed in his displaced heart, that wherever he went it would be with him, to diminish and disperse any plot he could hatch for small fulfilment.
“The way Boss put it, being a clean athlete was everything. He told me not to trust people. To stay humble.
“Tolstoy says this thing in War and Peace that the higher up an organisation you go, the less freedom you really have. At the bottom, you can do whatever you feel like because it doesn’t make much difference, but at the top, if you’re Napoleon or the Tsar, the responsibility is so big you just have to do what the logic of the situation dictates.”