She [Martha] said, “I’ve got it.” I said, “Got what?” She said, “The shipment, I’ve got the cases you loaded on the S.S. America in Hamburg.” I said, “That’s impossible.” She said, “They’re in the station wagon.”
I went out and looked at the cases, and I said, “How in God’s name did you do that?” She said, “I had Lisa by the hand and Karen in my arms and went up to the stevedores and said, ‘These two kids can’t eat unless you get me those four cases off the boat.”” (Laughter)
Well, she’s really the founder of Dansk. (Laughter) Give credit where it’s due. If she hadn’t got those cases I wouldn’t be here talking to you today. - Ted Nierenberg
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She couldn’t, but she said something that changed my life. "Watch her carefully right now," she said, "because she’s teaching you how to live."
I remind myself of this when I cannot get any work done: to live as if I am dying, because the truth is we are all terminal on this bus. To live as if we are dying gives us a chance to experience some real presence. Time is so full for people who are dying in a conscious way, full in the way that life is for children. They spend big round hours. So instead of staring miserably at the computer screen trying to will my way into having a breakthrough, I say to myself, "Okay, hmmm, let’s see. Dying tomorrow. What should I do today?" Then I can decide to read Wallace Stevens for the rest of the morning or go to the beach or just really participate in ordinary life. Any of these will begin the process of filling me back up with observations, flavors, ideas, visions, memories. I might want to write on my last day on earth, but I’d also be aware of other options that would feel at least as pressing. I would want to keep whatever I did simple, I think. And I would want to be present.
“This was the first time I’d ever been to a shopping mall, the first time I’d even seen or been in an athletics-wear store. The store manager was sponsoring the athletes who were heading to the World Junior Championships. I’d never owned anything close to brand-new sports attire. They gave us a pair of sneakers, a pair of new track spikes, and a white and blue track suit. I was on top of the world.
“I knew I wasn’t the same Caster. I was still nursing my injured leg and I was grossly overweight, but all I needed was a chance. The director offered me a three-year scholarship. I would study sports science. Soon after, I met with Jean in person. Even seeing how out of shape I was, he believed in me. Potch was about 180 kilometers away from Pretoria. Violet wasn’t happy about the distance, but I would no longer be sitting.
“Michael’s program improved upon whatever I’d built running barefoot and alone on those dusty grounds in Limpopo as a teenager. His philosophy was, “If it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.” “We’ll just keep doing what you’ve been doing, Caster,” he would say. He believed in stretching things out, moving along slowly, conditioning, and then when the body was ready, you hit it. He didn’t rush things; he didn’t push until he was absolutely sure. Michael was one of those coaches who didn’t believe in pain; he believed in slow buildups. Maria’s style was hardcore. If the plan for the day was to run 200s in 27s, then that is all we were doing, no matter what. Maria did not rest me well, but she made me a beast, she recreated in me an image of herself. Verster was different from them. Verster believed in gut feelings. Before every session, he would ask me how I felt that day. It was an interesting thing for me. And I could be honest with him. If I said, “I don’t feel like training hard today,” he would honor that.
You are the customer of the supplier,” I said. “Why doesn’t the same principle apply?”
“Well, we recently renegotiated our lease agreements with the mall operators and owners,” he said. “We went in with a Win/Win attitude. We were open, reasonable, conciliatory. But they saw that position as being soft and weak, and they took us to the cleaners.”
“Well, why did you go for Lose/Win?” I asked.
“We didn’t. We went for Win/Win.”
“I thought you said they took you to the cleaners.”
“They did.”
“In other words, you lost.”
“That’s right.”
“And they won.”
“That’s right.”
“So what’s that called?”
When he realized that what he had called Win/Win was really Lose/Win, he was shocked. And as we examined the long-term impact of that Lose/Win, the suppressed feelings, the trampled values, the resentment that seethed under the surface of the relationship, we agreed that it was really a loss for both parties in the end. If this man had had a real Win/Win attitude, he would have stayed longer in the communication process, listened to the mall owner more, then expressed his point of view with more courage. He would have continued in the Win/Win spirit until a solution was reached they both felt good about. And that solution, that Third Alternative, would have been synergistic—probably something neither of them had thought of on his own.