Relationships are hard, all of them, but you have to make your own mistakes and deal with your own dramas. The only way to learn is through experience. We don’t put enough emphasis on the value of failure and how overcoming it is character-building, and how pain can be a useful tool because, without it, you’ll never know happiness. Anger is also a powerful tool that gives you the energy to move on, but you have to let it fade otherwise it will consume and poison your thinking. That’s what ‘Til Morning’, one of my favourite songs on the album, is about.

To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. For this reason young people, who are beginners in everything, cannot yet know love: they have to learn it. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered close about their lonely, timind, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love.

Try to change your relationship to your fears. Don’t banish them. Don’t fight them. Don’t turn and face them down. Instead, see whether you can learn to honor your fears—which means listening to them, being curious about them, and admiring them as part of the real you. Do this—gently, generously, kindly—and they will show you what you truly love.

On your journey, you’re told to dismiss your fears, to confront your fears, to step outside of your comfort zone. Yet this is all so misleading. Your big choice in life is not “comfort or no comfort.” It is “love or no love.” When you step into things you love, you will feel fear. That’s not just OK, it’s fundamental. So fundamental, in fact, that if you’re doing something and you feel no fear, then you’ve lost your love.

So, take the path of fear, because the path of fear is the path of love.

Your love will challenge them, and cajole them, and never leave them be, and if, at some point, you see them heading in a direction that will hurt them, or shrink them, you will push them out of harm’s way, even if they themselves can’t yet see the love in what you’re doing. If you love someone, you do for them what is right for them, not necessarily what they want. You are demanding, your expectations are the highest of the high.

And then: one loves one another and there’s so much joy to be had from the physical manifestations of love. Your father has always been beautiful for me, and even now I can see through the latticework of time how exquisite he was as a young man. I know he has pleasure in seeing me. Despite my worn-down vellies and budding widow’s hump, after all these years he still looks at me expansively. And then there is the legend. It’s the legend holding the lustre through the years of worn reality— if you make sure that nobody steals it from you, as you make sure nobody takes your things or weeds don’t overgrow your garden. If you are watchful and patient, if you have humour but can be steadfast on cardinal matters and let smaller ones fall by the wayside, all this will meaningfully assist you in holding on to love, and nourishing belief in the legend.

Quite comforting, I think, but sometimes you can do as little with good advice as with bad advice.