If I could not find belonging in my story of my father, in my grief, where could I find it? If I belonged nowhere and to no one, then what was I? Who was I?

I cannot remember a time when I wasn’t aware of the fact that I had multiple selves, or a divided self, and that I needed to behave differently with the different groups of people that made up my life. All people do this to some extent, but some must be more skillful at it than others.

TRY THIS: To help shed some light on alignment, write for seven minutes on this topic: In what ways are my work and life aligned with what is most important to me? In what ways am I not in alignment? What actions might I take to be more aligned?

TRY THIS: Choose one of the moments you identified as a low point on your timeline. Write about this event for at least twelve minutes. Just write, without editing or overthinking. Afterward, read what you wrote. What do you learn? How might these insights positively influence your life?

Once you’ve identified your predominant style, try answering these questions in your journal:

1. What is special and important about your role?

1. What do you want the other roles to know about what you do and achieve?

1. How do you think your role is misunderstood or not fully appreciated by the other roles?

“In team sports, my mind was turned outward, if that makes sense. Running was different. My mind turned inward, toward itself. I preferred it that way. It quieted down. I felt completely at peace.