In fact, it is the one we have to solve. It looks innocent: it’s flashy and immediate; it rewards us; it makes us feel we are in control. It seems to be nice to us.

But it is a liar. It controls us. It does this by being an intricate, intentional, invisible, social ‘system of interruption’. We have seen how devastating our relationships of interruption are. But social systems of interruption are an even beastlier beast.

In particular, we all need to read and absorb the analysis of Michael Hogg, professor and chair of social psychology at Claremont Graduate University (see Scientific American, September 2019, pp. 79–81). He shows that a state of ‘self-uncertainty social identity’ is fodder for the internet ‘information nodes’ like Twitter and Facebook. These ‘I-do-belong-here’ platforms keep participants feeding on the amplified disinformation that everyone inside the group is better than everyone outside it, and that only inside are we safe. This repetitive, stupefying experience is its own kind of interruption of independent thinking, if not a killer of it.

Posts are not real connections. They are airings. They can be delightful, and they keep each other in mind; but they do not allow us truly to be present. And so they do not allow us to think with each other.

And so it is entirely predictable that on digital-posting platforms, including the single-dimension email platform, people say things they just would not say if they had to witness or hear the effects on the recipient of their words as they deliver them.

Of course, we say horrible things to each other in person. But there is an instant feedback loop that tells us to stop. If we defy it, we witness the painful result instantly. We know we are doing damage. And that picture of pain usually pulls us back, and eventually stops us. We see the human being we are assaulting. We see the blood we are spilling. And that does something to us.

Appreciation. But not as we usually understand it. Appreciation at the end of a thinking pair is not a thank-you-for-your-service thing. It is far bigger than that. It is a recognition of a quality in a person. Now I know you were probably told not to do this. We all were, one way or another. We might get a ‘big head’. (What is that?) Or become ‘too big for our boots’. (Boots?) Or grow conceited. That stuff sticks. So we need to replace it with a better take on reality.