Finding similarities can help you attune yourself to others and help them attune themselves to you. Here’s an exercise that works well in teams and yields some insights individuals can later deploy on their own.

Assemble a group of three or four people and pose this question: What do we have in common, either with another person or with everyone?

The lesson here is critical: The purpose of a pitch isn’t necessarily to move others immediately to adopt your idea. The purpose is to offer something so compelling that it begins a conversation, brings the other person in as a participant, and eventually arrives at an outcome that appeals to both of you.

As you prepare your pitch, whichever variety you choose, clarify your purpose and strategy by making sure you can answer these three questions:

After someone hears your pitch . . .

1. What do you want them to know?

1. What do you want them to feel?

1. What do you want them to do?

At Commerce Bank, if you recall, within the first ninety seconds, new hires learn that they (1) are part of a crazy tribe of congenitally happy people, (2) have a responsibility to go find others like them, and (3) must answer the phone with an attitude of "Wow!" In these three simple gestures, clocking in at less than two minutes, employees internalize what matters to the company. The firms that hand out binders in the first ninety seconds of orientation — what have they communicated as being important? The bureaucracy? Companies that really get it start the imprinting process in the recruiting phase. At this point, of course, it's part communication and part alignment. You want to identify people who are likely to be good cultural fits, but you also want to start making it clear what you're all about.

At Commerce Bank, if you recall, within the first ninety seconds, new hires learn that they (1) are part of a crazy tribe of congenitally happy people, (2) have a responsibility to go find others like them, and (3) must answer the phone with an attitude of "Wow!" In these three simple gestures, clocking in at less than two minutes, employees internalize what matters to the company. The firms that hand out binders in the first ninety seconds of orientation — what have they communicated as being important? The bureaucracy? Companies that really get it start the imprinting process in the recruiting phase. At this point, of course, it's part communication and part alignment. You want to identify people who are likely to be good cultural fits, but you also want to start making it clear what you're all about.