My point is that you could think of the people you meet in your life as questions, there to help you figure out who you are, what youâre made of, and what you want.
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Perhaps thatâs what friendship can do: the presence of another indirectly giving us better access to the hidden parts of ourselves.
No, no, no! Youâre not a pretender. Youâre much further on. No, my boy, you are so unsure of your bearings that you wonder if youâre pretending to be the person you actually are.
You said it yourself. I always noticed them. I noticed them because I couldnât help it. Only from the inside can you know what itâs like from the inside. Understanding isnât just knowing or learning what it is but knowing what itâs like.
I couldnât latch on to a thought and then be carried by it as it moved into new territory. To do that, I think you need a narrative self inside you connecting you with experience, telling you how you fit into the subjective encounter with what youâre seeing and attaching whatever significance it might hold for you.
I will not reduce you to a type or restrict you to a label, like many of those human-typology systems doâMyers-Briggs, the Enneagram, the zodiac, and so on. Instead, I want to receive you as an active creator. I want to understand how you construct your point of view. I want to ask you how you see things. I want you to teach me about the enduring energies of old events that shape how you see the world today. Iâm going to engage with you. Looking at a person is different from looking at a thing because a person is looking back at you. Iâm going to get to know you at the same time youâre going to get to know me. Quality conversation is the essence of this approach. If weâre going to become Illuminators, we need to first ask questions and engage with answers. We need to ask:
How does this look to you? Do you see the same situation I see?