I know, he said, that every memory is just a work in progress. But someday, if I make it to that rocking chair on the porch, I hope that all this, the love and loss, that it will all come back as little more than something somewhere long ago.
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And he understands, then, how itās going to go. How heāll find her again. What heās going to do next, alongside everything else his life will bring. Somewhere out there are people who still know her poems, whoāve hidden scraps of them away in the folds of their minds before setting match to the papers in their hands. He will find them, he will ask them what they remember, he will piece together their recollections, fragmentary and incomplete though they may be, mapping the holes of one against the solid patches of another, and in this way, piece by piece, he will set her back down on paper again.
Yes, please, he says. I would like that, very much.
Our memories do not visit us in chronology, and the story we form by joining up the memories involves choices with the purpose of making a whole and finding a pattern.
I hope so. Itās still early days. All I can say is that I have the impression there are things being saidāand I mean even the stuff of idle banter in the corridors of chambersāthings that mean more than the mere words being used to say them, and there are things that remain unsaid that possibly no words could convey.
Thereās a line, he said, in Graham Greeneās Travels with My Aunt: It is well to have a few memories of extravagance in store for hard times.
I am reminded of what Einstein said on the death of his friend: He has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing. For us believing physicists, the distinction between past, present and future is only a stubborn illusion.