When we live aligned with what we’ve declared to be central to us, though, our life is imbued with meaning in each breath, each activity, each conversation, and each relationship.

To this day, it’s hard to describe the power those simple words had. He could have said dozens of other things to make me feel better—“You’ll find a way through this,” “It’s not as bad as you think,” or “Here are some things to try.” But what he said instead was specific to me, and something I felt he genuinely believed. It didn’t mean my opinions were always right, but his vote of confidence that they came from a principled place restored some of the confidence I had lost. By recognizing a strength of mine, Chris gave me a renewed sense of motivation.

When I was a boy, I wasn’t often seen. I was looked after, cared for. I was held and comforted, especially after some painful experience. But I wasn’t often seen. I was a good boy when inside I wanted to rage. I tried hard, all the time, when inside I wanted not to care. I was compliant, and therefore complicit, in not being fully appreciated.

But who we choose to be is awakened by the truths we choose to tell.

In so many ways, the world affirmed this way of being. I was rewarded with promotions. Years later, and with the benefit of thousands of hours of introspection, I understand why the world affirmed this way of being. When I moved fast, when I spent my days not truly occupying my life, not standing still, not being real, I found it easier to live in accordance with other people’s expectations. By not standing still, I was able to be the object of everyone else’s projections of who and what I should be. Too busy to live my own life, I took direction from the affirmations of others.