[One of the elements of conducting a conversation with a client is] refraining from making judgments about what our conversational partner says and, instead, expressing respectful curiosity for whatever is brought up.

“In that sense a therapist or good friend listens to another to find out who she is, what is special about her. In this kind of listening you not only take in someone’s words but also discover who they are.

A writer could blast out her opinions, but writers are at their best not when they tell people what to think but when they provide a context within which others can think.” (Brooks,

“How to Know a Person”, p.52)

“Finally, a person who is good at accompaniment understands the art of presence.

Presence is about showing up.

Good conversationalists ask for stories about specific events or experiences, and then they go even further. They don’t only want to talk about what happened, they want to know how you experienced what happened.

We too often think that deep conversations have to be painful or vulnerable conversations. I try to compensate for that by asking questions about the positive sides of life:

• “Tell me about a time you adapted to change.”

• “What’s working really well in your life?”

• “What are you most self-confident about?”

• “Which of your five senses is strongest?”

• “Have you ever been solitary without feeling lonely?” or

• “What has become clearer to you as you have aged?