Perhaps to really know another person, you have to have a glimmer of how they

experience the world. To really know someone, you have to know how they know you.

Good conversationalists ask for stories about specific events or experiences, and then they go even further. They don’t only want to talk about what happened, they want to know how you experienced what happened.

The authors of Crucial Conversations observe that in any conversation, respect is like air. When it’s present nobody notices, but when it’s absent it’s all anybody can think about.

Finally, you can take advantage of the fact that a rupture is sometimes an opportunity to forge a deeper bond.

Mentalizing also helps us simultaneously sympathize with a person while also detaching to make judgments about them.