A good life requires growth and change. This change is not an automatic process that occurs as we age. What we experience, what we endure, and what we do all affect the trajectory of growth.
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An individual life is an improvisation in which circumstances and chance help determine the trajectory. While there are common patterns in life, it would be impossible for any person to make it from the beginning to the end of life without an unplanned event sending them in a new direction. There is even some research that suggests that it’s these unexpected turns, and not any plan, that most define a person’s life and can lead to periods of growth. One wrench thrown into the machine can be more significant than all the gears of planned action combined.
Our most important experiences, both good and bad, are not just memories. They are emotional events that leave tangible impressions on us, and these influences can shape our lives for a very long time.
As we progress through the stages of our lives there are transitions that will occur in our work as well, whether it be when we receive promotions, get laid off, move into new jobs, or have kids. With each major transition it never hurts to step back and reassess our new lives from a bird’s-eye view: How are my relationships in the work world and beyond being affected by the current change? Are there choices I can make to maintain connections with people who are important to me? Are there new opportunities for connection here that I’m missing?”
All of this is natural. But along with the natural ebb and flow of life, each of us has a habitual approach to friendships. Often this approach is less than conscious, close to automatic. We give our friendships whatever feels natural to give them, rather than considering what they need. As we get older and life becomes busier, we have to make decisions about the limited time we have, and our friends often come last.
Thousands of stories from the Harvard Study show us that the good life is not found by providing ourselves with leisure and ease. Rather, it arises from the act of facing inevitable challenges, and from fully inhabiting the moments of our lives. It appears, quietly, as we learn how to love and how to open ourselves to being loved, as we grow from our experiences, and as we stand in solidarity with others through the inevitable string of joys and adversities in every human life.