Corrective experiences arenât just a matter of luck, either. Opportunities to shift our view of the world are arriving all the timeâmost of them simply pass us by. We are often too tunneled into our own expectations and personal opinions to allow the subtle realities of these opportunities to penetrate. But there are a couple of simple (though difficult!) things we can do to encourage our ability to see whatâs really happening, and thus be more likely to reap the benefits of corrective experience.
First, we can tune in to difficult feelings rather than try to ignore them. Part of leaning in to challenges involves seeing our emotional reactions as useful information rather than as something to be pushed away.
Second, we can notice when we are having experiences that are more positive than we expected. Maybe in the middle of that family reunion you were dreading for months, you can pause and realize that, against all odds, youâre having a pretty good time.
Third, we can try to âcatchâ other people when they are behaving well, just as we suggested you might do with a partner. Most of us are very good at noticing when people are behaving badly, but weâre not so skilled at noticing when people are behaving well. On the road, good drivers fade into the background, but bad drivers stand out. We learn to expect bad driving,
so that weâre prepared for it when it happens. The same is true in life. Occasionally, try to notice the good drivers, the good people.
The final and most powerful approach is simply to remain open to the possibility of people behaving differently than we expect. The more ready we are to be surprised by people, the more likely we are to notice when they do something that doesnât match our expectation. This kind of noticing is especially important within our families.