Focus on that thing [failure]. Feel all the emotions that go with it. Now put it in a growth-mindset perspective. Look honestly at your role in it, but understand that it doesnât define your intelligence or personality. Instead, ask: What did I (or can I) learn from that experience? How can I use it as a basis for growth? Carry that with you instead.
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A remarkable thing Iâve learned from my research is that in the growth mindset, you donât always need confidence.
What I mean is that even when you think youâre not good at something, you can still plunge into it wholeheartedly and stick to it. Actually, sometimes you plunge into something because youâre not good at it. This is a wonderful feature of the growth mindset. You donât have to think youâre already great at something to want to do it and to enjoy doing it.
Many people believe that a growth mindset is only about effort, especially praising effort. I talked earlier about how praising the process children engage inâtheir hard work, strategies, focus, perseveranceâcan foster a growth mindset. In this way, children learn that the process they engage in brings about progress and learning, and that their learning does not just magically flow from some innate ability.
The first important thing to remember here is that the process includes more than just effort. Certainly, we want children to appreciate the fruits of hard work. But we also want them to understand the importance of trying new strategies when the one theyâre using isnât working. (We donât want them to just try harder with the same ineffective strategy.) And we want them to ask for help or input from others when itâs needed. This is the process we want them to appreciate: hard work, trying new strategies, and seeking input from others.
People with a growth mindset are also constantly monitoring whatâs going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves and others in this way. Certainly theyâre sensitive to positive and negative information, but theyâre attuned to its implications for learning and constructive action: What can I learn from this? How can I improve? How can I help my partner do this better?
Every lapse doesnât spell doom. Itâs like anything else in the growth mindset. Itâs a reminder that youâre an unfinished human being and a clue to how to do it better next time.
Then, as you contemplate the day in front of you, try to ask yourself these questions. If you have room on your mirror, copy them over and tape them there, too.
What are the opportunities for learning and growth today? For myself? For the people around me?
As you think of opportunities, form a plan, and ask:
When, where, and how will I embark on my plan?
When, where, and how make the plan concrete. How asks you to think of all the ways to bring your plan to life and make it work.
As you encounter the inevitable obstacles and setbacks, form a new plan and ask yourself the question again:
When, where, and how will I act on my new plan?
Regardless of how bad you may feel, chat with your fixed-mindset persona and then do it! And when you succeed, donât forget to ask yourself:
What do I have to do to maintain and continue the growth?