If you want the people with whom you work to improve their performance, first improve your own. If you want others to expand their capabilities, first expand your own.

But for someone to feel heard, three things have to happen. First, they have to feel like the other person paid attention to what they said. Second, they have to feel like the other person understood what they said. And third, the other person has to demonstrate that they listened.

Consequently, we need to harness the power of linguistic concreteness.

• Make people feel heard. Want to show someone you’re listening? Be concrete. Give specific details that show we paid attention and understood.

• Be concrete. Don’t just pick things that sound good, use words that listeners can see in their minds. It’s a lot easier to imagine a red sportscar than ideation.

• Focus on the How. Thinking about the nuts and bolts of how something will happen, and focusing on specific actions, makes things concrete.

But while concrete language is often useful, if our goal is to come off as powerful, or make something seem like it has growth potential, using abstract language is better. In those cases:

• Focus on the why. Thinking about the reasoning behind something helps things stay high level and communicate that big picture.

Two, take the time to listen before you do anything else. You will set the tone; it will be very difficult to reset it. If you start off by imposing your views on people, you’re not going to have what you most need when you most need it - namely, the commitment of the people you need to get the work done. Even if you’re right and you end up in exactly the same place as you thought you were going to end up, the experience of stopping and doing nothing but being a very good listener for as long as you can stand it is the most important thing to do. The whole act of talking to the top people is the first step towards gaining their commitment and understanding, which you must have if you don’t get it the first time. Until you get a consensus, that everyone agrees on - these are our priorities, and here’s who’s going to work on them, and here’s how our midcourse correction is going to be if we’re not right, and here are the things we can’t put off - take as long as you can stand to get that front end clear, committed, understood, communicated, massaged, and changed.” - Henry Schacht

As you take over your new leadership assignment and forge your team, you need to be sensitive to how each individual will be motivated. Great leaders tailor their management styles to the recipient rather than approaching the top team from a one-size-fits-all perspective.