6: HARNESS SIMILARITY (AND DIFFERENCE)

“They found that people’s behavior on the site could be broken into two distinct stages. When users first joined, they were relatively flexible. They learned the language of the community and started using it themselves, adopting whatever conventions others were using at the time.

But after that initial period of accommodation, users entered a more conservative phase. They stopped adapting new words and phrases and their language calcified. The community and its norms kept moving forward, but older users no longer moved with it.

Linguistic similarity even helped distinguish between employees who stayed at the firm and those who left to pursue better options. Not because they got fired, but because they were offered something better elsewhere. These folks assimilated early on, but at some point, their language started to diverge. While clearly capable of adapting, eventually they stopped trying, foreshadowing their intention to quit.

Using similar language can facilitate conversation, make people feel connected, and increase their perception that they are part of the same tribe. All of which can increase liking, trust, and a variety of positive downstream outcomes.

Using similar language seems to pay off at the office, but using different language makes songs more successful. So when is similarity good and when is difference better?

But at its core, the difference is really about what similarity and difference evoke or connote, and which is better in the particular context being considered.

Linguistic similarity has a number of benefits. Using similar language often requires listening to what someone else said, so, not surprisingly, it is associated with everything from better dates to more successful negotiations.