I’m still often asked: Why do executives and companies work with you? What motivates them to explore mindfulness?

I usually answer this question with two words: pain and possibility. It can be painful to step outside of our role and to be more in touch with our vulnerability, with the tenderness of our heart. Additionally, we usually sense when our values, aspirations, and work are not in alignment or when we are not living up to our full potential.

We are limited by our perspective and frequently wrong. Therefore, it is useful to practice being attentive and curious in order to increase our understanding of others. Usually, the more familiar we become with others, the more we assume we “know” them. We risk believing we are “relationship experts.

TRY THIS: Do a brief audit of the people who depend on you. Acknowledge and write about the ways that others depend on you. At the same time, notice and reflect on how you depend on others. Let yourself sink into and fully embrace the mutual support you’ve given and received. Let yourself feel safe and held by other people in your life, and acknowledge the ways you’ve given this to others. In your journal, reflect on the meaning and richness this has provided. No one is perfect; others have sometimes let you down, and at times you’ve done the same. No matter. For now, fully appreciate your most important relationships, whatever role they play in your life.

The most important ingredient we put into any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are. And if our words and our actions come from superficial human relations techniques (the Personality Ethic) rather than from our own inner core (the Character Ethic), others will sense that duplicity.

Many difficulties in relationships stem from old habits. We develop automatic, reflexive behaviors over the course of our lives that become so intimately woven into our days that we don’t even see them. In some cases, we become used to avoiding certain feelings and turning away, while in other cases we might be so overcome by emotion that we act on our feelings before we realize it.