Often our conversations go like this: How are you? Fine. How are you feeling? Fine. How is work, school, your relationships? Fine. A psychologist friend has suggested that FINE could be an acronym standing for “feelings inside not expressed.

I recommend that you remain neutral. “Neutrality and patience” is my mantra. Don’t lose your equilibrium in some powerful attraction or repulsion. Don’t be too available or too remote. Don’t be either defended or eager. Use neutral language and gestures. Don’t defend against temptation, just don’t be available to it.

There is a kind of happiness in a relationship that does not require constant peace. Disagreements and frustrations don’t have to negate happiness but can give it the shadow necessary to be real and lasting. If a therapist feels she has to help the couple create constant calm, she may be contributing to the problem. She needs a philosophy of relationship that is suitably complicated and cognizant of the shadow.

Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle. Some things are within your control. And some things are not.

Epictetus, Discourses

The ages have been inundated with vast oceans of words. We have been virtually drowned in them. Words pour at us from every angle or corner. They have not brought understanding, or peace, or healing, or a sense of self-mastery, nor has the ocean of words given us the feeling that, at least in terms of tranquillity, the human spirit is getting better.

At best our cry for meaning, for serenity, is answered by a greater silence, the silence that makes us seek higher reconciliation.

I think we need more of the wordless in our lives. We need more stillness, more of a sense of wonder, a feeling for the mystery of life. We need more love, more silence, more deep listening, more deep giving.