She was right. If Albert were to get a rude shock next month, he’d have three possible explanations for what happened, none of which are good.

1. The review isn’t fair. If things really were so dire, why hasn’t this come up until now? This must be a mistake.

2. The review is fair, but my manager was negligent and didn’t realize I was underperforming until the end of the half.

3. The review is fair, but my manager wasn’t honest in sharing feedback with me along the way, so I didn’t have a chance to improve.

I was at risk of falling into bucket three. Luckily, I still had time to put the lesson into action. The sooner that Albert internalized he was not meeting expectations, the quicker he could potentially turn things around, and the smoother our future performance conversations would go.

Of the twenty-five most offered words, only five have a positive valence (“necessary,” “challenging,” “fun,” “essential,” and “important”). The remainder are all negative.

Without negativity you . . . lose touch with reality. You’re not genuine. In time, you drive people away.” So allow yourself what she dubs “appropriate negativity

1. Go first if you’re the incumbent, last if you’re the challenger.

…

1. Granular numbers are more credible than coarse numbers.

Reactive Language

Proactive Language

There’s nothing I can do.

Let’s look at our alternatives.

That’s just the way I am.

I can choose a different approach.

He makes me so mad.

I control my own feelings.

They won’t allow that.

I can create an effective presentation.

I have to do that.

I will choose an appropriate response.

I can’t.

I choose.

I must.

I prefer.

If only.

I will.