Without negativity you . . . lose touch with reality. You’re not genuine. In time, you drive people away.” So allow yourself what she dubs “appropriate negativity

The first principle of improvisation—hearing offers—hinges on attunement, leaving our own perspective to inhabit the perspective of another.

That’s why Salit’s training emphasizes slowing down and shutting up as the route to listening well. We learn this is another exercise, called “Amazing Silence,” where I’m paired with a top television executive about ten years my senior. The rules: One person has to reveal to the other something important to him. The other person, who must make eye contact the entire time, then responds—but he must wait fifteen seconds before uttering a word.

Listening without some degree of intimacy isn’t really listening. It’s passive and transactional rather than active and engaged.

Offers come in all shapes and sizes,” says Salit. But the only way to hear them is to change the way you listen and then change the way you respond.