She introduced new terminology (“words to work by”) that altered the meaning of events and actions in important ways; for instance, instead of an “investigation” into an adverse event, the hospital would use the term “study;” instead of “error” she suggested people use “accident” or “failure.” In subtle but important ways, Morath was trying to help people think differently about the work – and especially about what it means when things go wrong. These leadership actions comprise what I refer to as framing the work.

I spent the entire year eating my lunch in a bathroom stall to avoid the kids who were making fun of me.’ Lunch, for Tracy, meant humiliation, sadness, and pain; and the only way to be safe was to be alone. She wept as she remembered that time. She sobbed as she reentered those feelings. She sat still and felt the past wash over her.

‘Tracy,’ I said, calling her back to the present. ‘Tracy, what does your company do?’ Wiping her nose, she looked puzzled. ‘Tracy, tell me what Chewse does, what’s its mission?’

‘We provide nutritious lunches and snacks to other start-up companies,’ she answered really puzzled. ‘And why is that important?’ I asked. Smiling and laughing, she replied, ‘So that people can get out from behind their desks and gather together for lunch . . . so that lunch isn’t painful but loving. So that no one needs to eat alone to feel safe.

The pain of hating our own creation is a consequence of our investing too much of our sense of being into the company, the product, the creation. When we hang our sense of self on the whisper of an idea; when we unwittingly insist that our love, safety, and belonging depend on what we do and, most important, how others feel about our feelings, our actions, and our work; then we leave little space for anything other than bitter, existential suffering.

When her pillar-of-the-community father left the family (no doubt in pursuit of his own love, safety, and belonging), she took on the burden of caring for her mother and brother. Yet another hallmark of the entrepreneur; yet another instance of premature promotion into adulthood.

Once Juni understood a key maxim of Behavior Design—simplicity changes behavior—she refocused her personal efforts to create a constellation of habits, tiny in size but big on impact, that helped her to kick her sugar habit for good.