Basically, a therapist tries to get at the patient’s viewpoint. The professional listener says: “I am totally listening to everything that you say. You are not totally committed, nor do you need to be, to listen to everything that I say. You might hear many things that I say, that you say, or you might hear little of both. But we are each engaged in arranging different things. You are in a process of rearranging and integrating your new perceptions and calling attention to new ones for you to arrange and integrate.

Want people to listen? Ask them to be a listener. Want them to lead? Ask them to be a leader. Want them to work harder? Encourage them to be a top performer.

But for someone to feel heard, three things have to happen. First, they have to feel like the other person paid attention to what they said. Second, they have to feel like the other person understood what they said. And third, the other person has to demonstrate that they listened.

Nineteen centuries ago, the Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “Nature hath given men one tongue but two ears, that we may hear from others twice as much as we speak.” Unfortunately, not many people listened to him.

This is now what Antjie wants me to say. But Habakkuk, the prophet, says: if the fig tree does not bloom, or the fruits of the olive tree disappoint, it brings inspiration back to one’s own faith. Modern technology makes it so easy to write but so difficult to say something worth saying. Yet, I finally want to make something clear: I heard animals on stoep steps speak to me in tongues. I went into the veld on my horse at a restful pace, never more alone, but also never lonely. To see, to hear, and to recognise— this is the wonder of living. And my children, who like Spartans move among rich and poor, have also not quite turned out as was expected.”