As Van der Kolk writes, âKnowing that we are seen and heard by the important people in our lives can make us feel calm and safe, and...being ignored or dismissed can precipitate rage reactions or mental collapse.â Sadness, lack of recognition, and loneliness turn into bitterness. When people believe that their identity is unrecognized, it feels like injusticeâ because it is. People who have been treated unjustly often lash out, seek ways to humiliate those who they feel have humiliated them.