Indirect control problems are solved by changing our methods of influence. These are the âPublic Victoriesâ of Habits 4, 5, and 6. I have personally identified over 30 separate methods of human influenceâas separate as empathy is from confrontation, as separate as example is from persuasion. Most people have only three or four of these methods in their repertoire, starting usually with reasoning, and, if that doesnât work, moving to flight or fight. How liberating it is to accept the idea that I can learn new methods of human influence instead of constantly trying to use old ineffective methods to âshape upâ someone else!
Related Quotes
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People - Stephen R. Covey
PART ONE: Paradigms and Principles
Inside-Out
âIn stark contrast, almost all the literature in the first 150 years or so focused on what could be called the Character Ethic as the foundation of successâthings like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance, courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. Benjamin Franklinâs autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically, the story of one manâs effort to integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature.
The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character. But shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the Character Ethic to what we might call the Personality Ethic. Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. This Personality Ethic essentially took two paths: one was human and public relations techniques, and the other was positive mental attitude (PMA). Some of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and sometimes valid maxims such as âYour attitude determines your altitude,â âSmiling wins more friends than frowning,â and âWhatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.â
Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted, or to use the âpower look,â or to intimidate their way through life.
Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success, but tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic. Reference to the Character Ethic became mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies, communication skills, and positive attitudes.
We could spend weeks, months, even years laboring with the Personality Ethic trying to change our attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of change that occurs spontaneously when we see things differently. It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But if we want to make significant, quantum change, we need to work on our basic paradigms. In the words of Thoreau, âFor every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the root.â We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of attitude and behavior and get
to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and behaviors flow.
PART TWO: Private Victory
Habit 1: Be Proactive - Principles of Personal Vision
âIn fact, until we take how we see ourselves (and how we see others) into account, we will be unable to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world. Unaware, we will project our intentions on their behavior and call ourselves objective. This significantly limits our personal potential and our ability to relate to others as well. But because of the unique human capacity of self-awareness, we can examine our paradigms to determine whether they are reality- or principle-based or if they are a function of conditioning and conditions.
The problems we face fall in one of three areas: direct control (problems involving our own behavior); indirect control (problems involving other peopleâs behavior); or no control (problems we can do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities). The proactive approach puts the first step in the solution of all three kinds of problems within our present Circle of Influence.
Habit 4: Think Win/Win - Principles of Interpersonal Leadership
âAs with many, many problems between people in business, family, and other relationships, the problem in this company was the result of a flawed paradigm. The president was trying to get the fruits of cooperation from a paradigm of competition. And when it didnât work, he wanted a technique, a program, a quick fix antidote to make his people cooperate. But you canât change the fruit without changing the root. Working on the attitudes and behaviors would have been hacking at the leaves. So we focused instead on producing personal and organizational excellence in an entirely different way by developing information and reward systems which reinforced the value of cooperation.