It is character that communicates most eloquently. As Emerson once put it, “What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say.

Reactive Language

Proactive Language

There’s nothing I can do.

Let’s look at our alternatives.

That’s just the way I am.

I can choose a different approach.

He makes me so mad.

I control my own feelings.

They won’t allow that.

I can create an effective presentation.

I have to do that.

I will choose an appropriate response.

I can’t.

I choose.

I must.

I prefer.

If only.

I will.

The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities. And this can best be done in the context of the week.

(Covey, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”, p.168)

Unless you’re influenced by my uniqueness, I’m not going to be influenced by your advice. So if you want to be really effective in the habit of interpersonal communication, you cannot do it with technique alone.