But what if that kind of relationship isnât there? What if you have to work out an agreement with someone who hasnât even heard of Win/Win and is deeply scripted in Win/Lose or some other philosophy? Dealing with Win/Lose is the real test of Win/Win. Rarely is Win/Win easily achieved in any circumstance. Deep issues and fundamental differences have to be dealt with. But it is much easier when both parties are aware of and committed to it and where there is a high Emotional Bank Account in the relationship. When youâre dealing with a person who is coming from a paradigm of Win/Lose, the relationship is still the key. The place to focus is on your Circle of Influence. You make deposits into the Emotional Bank Account through genuine courtesy, respect, and appreciation for that person and for the other point of view. You stay longer in the communication process. You listen more, you listen in greater depth. You express yourself with greater courage. You arenât reactive. You go deeper inside yourself for strength of character to be proactive. You keep hammering it out until the other person begins to realize that you genuinely want the resolution to be a real win for both of you. That very process is a tremendous deposit in the Emotional Bank Account. And the stronger you areâthe more genuine your character, the higher your level of proactivity, the more committed you really are to Win/Winâthe more powerful your influence will be with that other person. This is the real test of interpersonal leadership. It goes beyond transactional leadership into transformational leadership, transforming the individuals involved as well as the relationship. Because Win/Win is a principle people can validate in their own lives, you will be able to bring most people to a realization that they will win more of what they want by going for what you both want. But there will be a few who are so deeply embedded in the Win/Lose mentality that they just wonât think Win/Win. So remember that No Deal is always an option. Or you may occasionally choose to go for the low form of Win/Winâcompromise. Itâs important to realize that not all decisions need to be Win/Win, even when the Emotional Bank Account is high. Again, the key is the relationship. If you and I worked together, for example, and you were to come to me and say, âStephen, I know you wonât like this decision. I donât have time to explain it to you, let alone get you involved. Thereâs a good possibility youâll think itâs wrong. But will you support it?â If you had a positive Emotional Bank Account with me, of course Iâd support it. Iâd hope you were right and I was wrong. Iâd work to make your decision work. But if the Emotional Bank Account werenât there, and if I were reactive, I wouldnât really support it. I might say I would to your face, but behind your back I wouldnât be very enthusiastic. I wouldnât make the investment necessary to make it succeed. âIt didnât work,â Iâd say. âSo what do you want me to do now?â If I were overreactive, I might even torpedo your decision and do what I could to make sure others did too. Or I might become âmaliciously obedientâ and do exactly and only what you tell me to do, accepting no responsibility for results.