It’s your responsibility as a leader not to try to deal with a disaster on your own. Don’t lock yourself in a room, alone, frantically trying to fix it. Don’t hide. Don’t disappear. Don’t imagine that by working for a week straight and not sleeping you can solve the problem yourself and nobody ever has to know. Get advice. Take deep breaths. Make a plan.

Then put on your rain boots and walk into the tidal wave.

The silver lining is that once the crisis is past—assuming you survived it, of course—you’ll have a team that’s gone through hell and back and is stronger for it. You’ll have time to go figure out the why—why did this happen in the first place? And what can we do so it doesn’t happen again? That may mean someone gets fired or the team reorganizes or the way you

communicate with each other drastically changes. The process may be lengthy and unpleasant.

When you’re in a crisis, you also have to show confidence. You have to be visible and absorb the uncertainty that people feel. Think of your job as being sort of a shock absorber between the events swirling around the company and your employees’ deep-seated desire for stability and security. This will help when people are constantly examining your every gesture and expression for hidden messages that imply that things might be worse than they already are.

Big questions interrupt the daily routines people fall into and prompt them to step back

and see their life from a distance. Here are some of my favorite questions that do that:

• “What crossroads are you at?” At any moment, most of us are in the middle of some

transition. The question helps people focus on theirs.

• “What would you do if you weren’t afraid?” Most people know that fear plays some role in their life, but they haven’t clearly defined how fear is holding them back.

• “If you died tonight, what would you regret not doing?”

• “If we meet a year from now, what will we be celebrating?”

• “If the next five years is a chapter in your life, what is that chapter about?”

• “Can you be yourself where you are and still fit in?

Emotional Closeness and Confiding

Who knows everything (or most things) about you?

Who can you call on when you’re feeling low and be honest with them about how you’re feeling?

Who can you ask for advice (and trust what they say)?

Identity Affirmation and Shared Experience

Is there someone in your life who has shared many experiences with you and who helps strengthen your sense of who you are and where you’ve come from?

7: The Person Behind You

“When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability.... To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Madeleine L’Engle