The early Buddhists, evidently, were not meant to retire from the world - as suggested also by the Zen Buddhist aphorism, “Before enlightenment chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment chop wood, carry water.” Despite the ingrained class oppressions of the Hindu varna system, the Buddha was not dissuaded from ordering his monks to strive for the benefit of all people. Great compassion was impossible without its realisation through concrete practice: his teachings were as much about kind thoughts as they were about loving actions. As noted by religious historian Karen Armstrong, “Instead of simply eschewing violence, Buddhism demanded a positive campaign to assuage the suffering and increase the happiness of the whole world.

A monk asked, “What is the substance of the true person?”

The Master said, “Spring, summer, autumn, winter.”

The monk said, “In that case, it is hard for me to

understand.”

The Master said, “You asked about the substance of the true

person,

didn’t you?” - Traditional Zen koan

Harvard Study Questionnaire, 1989:

Q: Consider your 10 best friends (excluding family and close relatives). How many of them would you place in each of the following categories?

(1) Intimate; we share most of our joys and sorrows;

(2) Companionship; we have frequent interactions arising out of shared interests;

(3) Casual; we don’t seek each other out.

All of this is natural. But along with the natural ebb and flow of life, each of us has a habitual approach to friendships. Often this approach is less than conscious, close to automatic. We give our friendships whatever feels natural to give them, rather than considering what they need. As we get older and life becomes busier, we have to make decisions about the limited time we have, and our friends often come last.

The power of friendship isn’t just the stuff of anecdotes or philosophical observation; science has clearly shown this effect. Friends diminish our perception of hardship—making us perceive adverse events as less stressful than we might otherwise see them—and even when we do experience extreme stress, friends can diminish its impact and duration. We feel the stress, but with the help of friends we’re better able to manage it. Less stress and better stress management lead to less wear and tear on our bodies.

Friends, in short, keep us healthier.

In Chapter Two we discussed a 2010 review conducted by Julianne Holt-Lunstad and others that brought together 148 studies and a vast amount of data to analyze the effect that social connections have on health and longevity. Among those 148 studies were a number that focused specifically on friendship. Here are a few that make the point:

• A large longitudinal study in Australia found that people over 70 with the strongest network of friends were 22 percent less likely to die during the study period (ten years) than those with the weakest network of friends

• A longitudinal study of 2,835 nurses with breast cancer found that women who had ten or more friends were four times more likely to survive than women who had no close friends.

• A longitudinal study of over 17,000 men and women between the ages of 29 and 74 in Sweden found that stronger social connections decreased the risk of dying from all causes by almost a fourth over a period of six years.