So where do we start? How can we come closer to seeing the reality of our own social universe?

It’s good to start simple. First, ask: Who is in my life?

It’s a question that most of us, amazingly, never bother to ask ourselves. Even making a basic list of the ten people who populate the center of your social universe can be illuminating. Try it below; you might be surprised at who comes to mind and who doesn’t.

Once you’ve got a good set of people, it’s time to ask: What is the character of these relationships?

5: Attention to Relationships

“The only gift is a portion of thyself.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

10: All Friends Have Benefits

“Ananda, one of the Buddha’s disciples, said to the Buddha one day,

“I’ve realized that half of the path to the holy life is made of good friendships.”

“No, Ananda,” the Buddha said. “Friends are not half of the holy life. They are all of the holy life.”

Upaddha Suta

All of this is natural. But along with the natural ebb and flow of life, each of us has a habitual approach to friendships. Often this approach is less than conscious, close to automatic. We give our friendships whatever feels natural to give them, rather than considering what they need. As we get older and life becomes busier, we have to make decisions about the limited time we have, and our friends often come last.