There are points in the process of becoming a chronic victim when people realize theyâre lying to themselves. They realize the story theyâre telling themselves isnât quite true. They know theyâre responsible. But facing reality and taking responsibility is hard. Itâs uncomfortable. Itâs so much easier to hide and to blame other people, circumstances, or luck.
Related Quotes
Facing reality is hard. Itâs much easier to blame things we have no control over than look for our own contributions.
Too often we fight against the feedback the world gives us, to protect our beliefs. Rather than changing ourselves, we want the world to change. And if we donât have the power to change it, we do the only thing we feel we can do: complain.
Complaining isnât productive. It only misleads you into thinking that the world should function in a way that it doesnât. Distancing yourself from reality makes it harder to solve the problems you face. There is always something you can do today to make the future easier, though, and the moment you stop complaining is the moment you start finding it.
If you pay attention to chronic victims, youâll notice how fragile they areâ how dependent their attitudes and feelings are on things they donât control. When things go their way, theyâre happy; when things donât, theyâre defensive, passive-aggressive, and occasionally aggressive-aggressive. If their spouse is in a bad mood, theyâre in a bad mood too. If they hit traffic on the way to work, they bring their anger and frustration to work with them. If a project theyâre leading isnât on track, they blame someone on their team.
Few things are more important in life than avoiding the wrong people. Itâs tempting to think that we are strong enough to avoid adopting the worst of others, but thatâs not how it typically works.
We unconsciously become what weâre near. If you work for a jerk, sooner or later youâll become one yourself. If your colleagues are selfish, sooner or later youâll become selfish. If you hang around someone whoâs unkind, youâll slowly become unkind. Little by little, you adopt the thoughts and feelings, the attitudes and standards of the people around you.
I once had a coworker who was also a friend. One day he walked into my office with some news. âI figured out what Iâm doing wrong,â he said. "Iâm so busy trying to prove to everyone Iâm right that I canât see the world from their point of view.
Mistakes turn into anchors if you donât accept them. Part of accepting them is learning from them and then letting them go. We canât change the past, but we can work to undo the effects itâs had on the future.
The most powerful story in the world is the one you tell yourself. That inner voice has the power to move you forward or anchor you to the past. Choose wisely.