Dysfunctional Belief: Networking is just hustling people—it’s slimy.

Reframe: Networking is just asking for directions.

Similarly, when writing a thank-you note, my egotistical instinct is to write a note about all the ways I’m going to use the gift you just gave me. But if I’m going to be an empathetic person, I need to get outside of my perspective and get inside yours. I’m going to write about your intentions—the impulses that led you to think that this gift is right for me and the thinking process that impelled you to buy it.

3. Churn Has an Antidote

When we trust, we accept. When we distrust, we resist. We look for alternative meanings and scenarios. And if the situation is important, we do this a lot; we churn.

• Help should be less about getting outcomes and more about supplying the knowledge and know-how needed by people in the setting to achieve those outcomes.

As trust builds in the relationship, it can deepen mutual understanding, this is important. Few things are as trust-building as real help. And few things frustrate trust-building as much as parties withholding help or not recognizing each other’s needs.