All the mythologizing is so unfortunate. It has popularized badly misguided notions about how a CEO can succeed in a job that’s not only crucial to the economic foundations of our society but also so cognitively, emotionally, and physically challenging that nearly a third of those appointed last fewer than three years in the role. The mythmaking has obscured so many important lessons we can learn from observing how CEOs struggle mightily with the changing challenges of the role. And overcome them, not only in the early going but also throughout their tenures.

Building on our study findings that CEOs who lead through influence were the most effective, we followed up by conducting interviews to learn about the development advice and training these leaders had received. We asked leaders to describe how they made the journey to becoming the highly effective leaders they were. What emerged is that a leader’s evolution generally proceeds in iterative cycles, with steps forward often followed by backsliding into old habits and then a renewed effort at change. It’s a process of trial and error, and often of fits and starts, as the daily grind of immediate demands diverts attention from one’s inner work. Those who continue to progress in the journey typically go through a three-phase cycle.

First, they are confronted with a necessity for change either because they took on a new challenge that reveals the shortfalls in their leadership or through feedback from their higher-up, colleagues, or mentor.

Most successful leaders not only are receptive to critiques of their abilities and management style but also proactively seek feedback. In fact, executive coaches Marshall Goldsmith and Howard Morgan found that was the distinguishing factor for success in a study of more than ten thousand managers’ personal development tracks: sharing your growth goals with people you then ask to provide feedback on your progress was the only factor that differentiated successful self-development approaches from unsuccessful ones. In addition to formal evaluation processes, successful leaders seek informal input from both higher-ups and direct reports.

The key takeaway: experiencing some fear and self-doubt along with the thrill of taking charge is not only perfectly normal but also a feature of success. It’s a sign that you’re your keeping a critical perspective about how well you’re doing, which is crucial in embracing the need for continuing development.

There are going to be surprises no matter how well you know a company. Learning about them early is challenging because employees, even at the highest levels, are reluctant to share troubling information. Learning what you need to know requires rigorous questioning while conveying in a compelling way that you absolutely want people to speak openly.

A CEO coming in from the outside needs to emphasize getting a good fix on the full range of business operations, the strengths and weaknesses of the leadership team, and the nature of the culture.