Although for simplicity I’ve talked as though some people have a growth mindset and some people have a fixed mindset, in truth we’re all a mixture of the two. There’s no point denying it. Sometimes we’re in one mindset and sometimes we’re in the other. Our task then becomes to understand what triggers our fixed mindset. What are the events or situations that take us to a place where we feel our (or other people’s) abilities are fixed? What are the events or situations that take us to a place of judgment rather than to a place of development?

What happens when our fixed-mindset “persona” shows up—the character within who warns us to avoid challenges and beats us up when we fail at something? How does that persona make us feel? What does it make us think and how does it make us act? How do those thoughts, feelings, and actions affect us and those around us? And, most important, what can we do over time to keep that persona from interfering with our growth and that of our children? How can we persuade that fixed-mindset persona to get on board with the goals that spring from our growth mindset?

The second step is to become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers. When does your fixed-mindset “persona” come home to roost?

• It could be when you’re thinking about taking on a big, new challenge. Your fixed-mindset persona might appear and whisper, “Maybe you don’t have what it takes, and everyone will find out.”

• It could be when you’re struggling with something and you keep hitting dead ends. Your fixed-mindset persona might fly in and offer its advice: “Give it up. It’s just making you feel frustrated and ashamed. Do something easier.”

• How about when you feel like you’ve failed decisively? Lost your job. Lost a cherished relationship. Messed up in a very big way. It’s a rare person who doesn’t have a fixed-mindset episode. And we all know very well what that fixed mindset says to us: “You’re not the person you thought you were—and you never will be.”

• What about when you encounter someone who’s a lot better than you in the very area you pride yourself on? What does that fixed-mindset voice say to you? Does it tell you that you’ll never be as good? Does it make you hate that person just a little?

• What about our fixed mindset toward others? If we’re educators, what happens after a high-stakes test? Do we judge who’s smart and who isn’t? If we’re managers, what happens during and after a big project? Do we judge our employees’ talent? If we’re parents, do we pressure our kids to prove they’re smarter than others and make them feel judged based on their grades and test scores?

You’re in touch with your triggers and you’re excruciatingly aware of your fixed-mindset persona and what it does to you. It has a name. What happens now? Educate it. Take it on the journey with you.

The more you become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers, the more you can be on the lookout for the arrival of your persona. If you’re on the verge of stepping out of your comfort zone, be ready to greet it when it shows up and warns you to stop. Thank it for its input, but then tell it why you want to take this step and ask it to come along with you: “Look, I know this may not work out, but I’d really like to take a stab at it. Can I count on you to bear with me?”

When you hit a setback, the chances are excellent it’s going to show up again. Don’t suppress it or ban it. Just let it do its thing. Let it do its song and dance, and when it settles down a bit, talk to it about how you plan to learn from the setback and go forward: “Yes, yes, it’s possible that I’m not so good at this (yet), but I think I have an idea of what to do next. Let’s just try it.

Every one of us has a journey to take.

• It starts by accepting that we all have both mindsets.

• Then we learn to recognize what triggers our fixed mindset. Failures? Criticism? Deadlines? Disagreements?

• And we come to understand what happens to us when our fixed-mindset “persona” is triggered. Who is this persona? What’s its name? What does it make us think, feel, and do? How does it affect those around us?

• Importantly, we can gradually learn to remain in a growth-mindset place despite the triggers, as we educate our persona and invite it to join us on our growth-mindset journey.

• Ideally, we will learn more and more about how we can help others on their journey, too.

...Bill always reminded us that managing these people is one of the bigger challenges of the job. He called them “aberrant geniuses,” and said, “You get these quirky guys or women who are going to be great differentiators for you. It is your job to manage that person in a way that doesn’t disrupt the company. They have to be able to work with other people. If they can’t, you need to let them go. They need to work in an environment where they collaborate with other people.