Although for simplicity I’ve talked as though some people have a growth mindset and some people have a fixed mindset, in truth we’re all a mixture of the two. There’s no point denying it. Sometimes we’re in one mindset and sometimes we’re in the other. Our task then becomes to understand what triggers our fixed mindset. What are the events or situations that take us to a place where we feel our (or other people’s) abilities are fixed? What are the events or situations that take us to a place of judgment rather than to a place of development?

What happens when our fixed-mindset “persona” shows up—the character within who warns us to avoid challenges and beats us up when we fail at something? How does that persona make us feel? What does it make us think and how does it make us act? How do those thoughts, feelings, and actions affect us and those around us? And, most important, what can we do over time to keep that persona from interfering with our growth and that of our children? How can we persuade that fixed-mindset persona to get on board with the goals that spring from our growth mindset?

You’ll be surprised to hear me say this. The first step is to embrace your fixed mindset. Let’s face it, we all have some of it. We’re all a mixture of growth and fixed mindsets and we need to acknowledge that. It’s not a shameful admission. It’s more like, welcome to the human race. But even though we have to accept that some fixed mindset dwells within, we do not have to accept how often it shows up and how much havoc it can wreak when it does.

The second step is to become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers. When does your fixed-mindset “persona” come home to roost?

• It could be when you’re thinking about taking on a big, new challenge. Your fixed-mindset persona might appear and whisper, “Maybe you don’t have what it takes, and everyone will find out.”

• It could be when you’re struggling with something and you keep hitting dead ends. Your fixed-mindset persona might fly in and offer its advice: “Give it up. It’s just making you feel frustrated and ashamed. Do something easier.”

• How about when you feel like you’ve failed decisively? Lost your job. Lost a cherished relationship. Messed up in a very big way. It’s a rare person who doesn’t have a fixed-mindset episode. And we all know very well what that fixed mindset says to us: “You’re not the person you thought you were—and you never will be.”

• What about when you encounter someone who’s a lot better than you in the very area you pride yourself on? What does that fixed-mindset voice say to you? Does it tell you that you’ll never be as good? Does it make you hate that person just a little?

• What about our fixed mindset toward others? If we’re educators, what happens after a high-stakes test? Do we judge who’s smart and who isn’t? If we’re managers, what happens during and after a big project? Do we judge our employees’ talent? If we’re parents, do we pressure our kids to prove they’re smarter than others and make them feel judged based on their grades and test scores?

Now give your fixed-mindset persona a name.

You heard me correctly.

I watched as Susan Mackie worked with financial executives who had given their fixed-mindset personas names. They were talking about what triggers their personas, and the top guy said, “When we’re in a crunch, Duane shows up. He makes me supercritical of everyone, and I get bossy and demanding rather than supportive.” A female team member quickly responded: “Yes, and when your Duane shows up, my Ianni comes roaring out. Ianni is the macho guy who makes me feel incompetent. So your Duane brings out my Ianni and I become cowering and anxious, which infuriates Duane.” And on went this amazing conversation. These sophisticated professionals talked about when their named persona showed up, how it made them feel and act, and how it affected others around them. By the way, once they were able to understand each other’s triggers and personas, they could move their interactions to another level and the morale in this unit went up by leaps and bounds.

Every one of us has a journey to take.

• It starts by accepting that we all have both mindsets.

• Then we learn to recognize what triggers our fixed mindset. Failures? Criticism? Deadlines? Disagreements?

• And we come to understand what happens to us when our fixed-mindset “persona” is triggered. Who is this persona? What’s its name? What does it make us think, feel, and do? How does it affect those around us?

• Importantly, we can gradually learn to remain in a growth-mindset place despite the triggers, as we educate our persona and invite it to join us on our growth-mindset journey.

• Ideally, we will learn more and more about how we can help others on their journey, too.