Although for simplicity I’ve talked as though some people have a growth mindset and some people have a fixed mindset, in truth we’re all a mixture of the two. There’s no point denying it. Sometimes we’re in one mindset and sometimes we’re in the other. Our task then becomes to understand what triggers our fixed mindset. What are the events or situations that take us to a place where we feel our (or other people’s) abilities are fixed? What are the events or situations that take us to a place of judgment rather than to a place of development?

What happens when our fixed-mindset “persona” shows up—the character within who warns us to avoid challenges and beats us up when we fail at something? How does that persona make us feel? What does it make us think and how does it make us act? How do those thoughts, feelings, and actions affect us and those around us? And, most important, what can we do over time to keep that persona from interfering with our growth and that of our children? How can we persuade that fixed-mindset persona to get on board with the goals that spring from our growth mindset?

The second step is to become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers. When does your fixed-mindset “persona” come home to roost?

• It could be when you’re thinking about taking on a big, new challenge. Your fixed-mindset persona might appear and whisper, “Maybe you don’t have what it takes, and everyone will find out.”

• It could be when you’re struggling with something and you keep hitting dead ends. Your fixed-mindset persona might fly in and offer its advice: “Give it up. It’s just making you feel frustrated and ashamed. Do something easier.”

• How about when you feel like you’ve failed decisively? Lost your job. Lost a cherished relationship. Messed up in a very big way. It’s a rare person who doesn’t have a fixed-mindset episode. And we all know very well what that fixed mindset says to us: “You’re not the person you thought you were—and you never will be.”

• What about when you encounter someone who’s a lot better than you in the very area you pride yourself on? What does that fixed-mindset voice say to you? Does it tell you that you’ll never be as good? Does it make you hate that person just a little?

• What about our fixed mindset toward others? If we’re educators, what happens after a high-stakes test? Do we judge who’s smart and who isn’t? If we’re managers, what happens during and after a big project? Do we judge our employees’ talent? If we’re parents, do we pressure our kids to prove they’re smarter than others and make them feel judged based on their grades and test scores?

Now give your fixed-mindset persona a name.

You heard me correctly.

I watched as Susan Mackie worked with financial executives who had given their fixed-mindset personas names. They were talking about what triggers their personas, and the top guy said, “When we’re in a crunch, Duane shows up. He makes me supercritical of everyone, and I get bossy and demanding rather than supportive.” A female team member quickly responded: “Yes, and when your Duane shows up, my Ianni comes roaring out. Ianni is the macho guy who makes me feel incompetent. So your Duane brings out my Ianni and I become cowering and anxious, which infuriates Duane.” And on went this amazing conversation. These sophisticated professionals talked about when their named persona showed up, how it made them feel and act, and how it affected others around them. By the way, once they were able to understand each other’s triggers and personas, they could move their interactions to another level and the morale in this unit went up by leaps and bounds.

You’re in touch with your triggers and you’re excruciatingly aware of your fixed-mindset persona and what it does to you. It has a name. What happens now? Educate it. Take it on the journey with you.

The more you become aware of your fixed-mindset triggers, the more you can be on the lookout for the arrival of your persona. If you’re on the verge of stepping out of your comfort zone, be ready to greet it when it shows up and warns you to stop. Thank it for its input, but then tell it why you want to take this step and ask it to come along with you: “Look, I know this may not work out, but I’d really like to take a stab at it. Can I count on you to bear with me?”

When you hit a setback, the chances are excellent it’s going to show up again. Don’t suppress it or ban it. Just let it do its thing. Let it do its song and dance, and when it settles down a bit, talk to it about how you plan to learn from the setback and go forward: “Yes, yes, it’s possible that I’m not so good at this (yet), but I think I have an idea of what to do next. Let’s just try it.

Let’s say you’ve named and tamed your fixed-mindset persona. That’s great, but please don’t think your journey is complete. For your growth mindset to bear fruit, you need to keep setting goals—goals for growth. Every day presents you with ways to grow and to help the people you care about grow. How can you remember to look for these chances?