Although I am a product of my circumstances, I believe we carry knowledge within us from elsewhere, enabling us to make better choices in this life. If we get the right parents, as I did, these choices come easier. Inner knowing helped me choose the right mentors in the form of brave managers, who took the risk of betting on a darkie in time when people like me weren’t considered for thinking roles in business.

Perhaps most significant for my future role as a Modern Elder at Airbnb was the fact he did his best to intern publicly and mentor privately.

Whether it was the pace of growth of a “unicorn,” cultural trends of millennials, or how to size up the needs of Silicon Valley investors, Brian taught me as much as I taught him.

I was no longer the ‘sage on the stage’ but was instead transitioning into the ‘guide on the side.’ More than anything, in those first few months, I just listened and watched intently with as little judgment or ego as possible.

The new study habits I’d learned from Pat gave me the same sense New Yorkers have about their stresses: that I knew what to do. I knew how to cope. The ambiguity lessened. My frustration lessened, and with it my sense of being under threat. A weight of race was lifted, even though Pat’s help had nothing directly to do with race.