Words do more than just convey facts and opinions. They signal how confident communicators are in the facts and opinions they are expressing. Consequently, words influence how we’re perceived and the impact of what we say. Want to be perceived more positively? Increase your impact?

• Ditch the hedges. When the goal is to convey confidence, avoid words and phrases like “may,” “could,” and “in my opinion,” which suggest that things, and the people saying them, are uncertain

• Use definites. Rather than hedging, use definites instead. Words like “definitely,” “clearly,” and “obviously,” which suggest whatever was said isn’t just an opinion, it’s an irrefutable truth.

• Don’t hesitate. Ums and uhs are natural parts of speech, but too many of them can undermine people’s confidence in us and our message. So cut the fillers. To decrease hesitations, plan what to say in advance or pause to collect your thoughts when needed.

• Turn pasts into presents. Using the present tense can communicate confidence and increase persuasion. So to signal certainty, rather than using past tense (e.g., “I loved that book”), use present tense (e.g., “I love that book”) instead.

• Know when to express doubt. While seeming to be certain is often beneficial, if we want to show we’re open minded, receptive to opposing viewpoints, or aware of nuances, expressing doubt can help.

By harnessing the language of confidence, we can signal our expertise, showcase our

openness to opposing viewpoints, and encourage others to go along with what we’re suggesting.

Consequently, we need to harness the power of linguistic concreteness.

• Make people feel heard. Want to show someone you’re listening? Be concrete. Give specific details that show we paid attention and understood.

• Be concrete. Don’t just pick things that sound good, use words that listeners can see in their minds. It’s a lot easier to imagine a red sportscar than ideation.

• Focus on the How. Thinking about the nuts and bolts of how something will happen, and focusing on specific actions, makes things concrete.

But while concrete language is often useful, if our goal is to come off as powerful, or make something seem like it has growth potential, using abstract language is better. In those cases:

• Focus on the why. Thinking about the reasoning behind something helps things stay high level and communicate that big picture.

Behavioral scientists have conducted hundreds of studies about the differences between powerful and powerless words and phrases. We are especially smitten with research led by Jonah Berger at the University of Pennsylvania and by our Stanford colleague Jennifer Aaker. We draw mostly on their work to generate five tips about the kind of talk that provokes people to act, persist, and develop imaginative solutions.

Powerful Words

Talk That Prompts Others to Act, Persist, and Generate Imaginative Solutions

Say This

Not That

Why

“We’ve shortened all thirty-minute meetings to twenty-five and sixty-minute

meetings to fifty.”

“We’ve made our meetings shorter.”

Concrete language is more persuasive than vague

language because it demonstrates more knowledge about the details of a situation and gives more tangible guidance about what to do.

“The subtraction game is great.”

“The subtraction

game was great.”

The present tense is more persuasive than the past tense because it suggests greater confidence and

certainty about what is best to do now and about how to respond to current challenges.

“I don’t want to waste your

time.”

“I am not allowed to waste your time.”

Use terms that suggest you have chosen to act this way, that you are doing it because you have the power to do it, and you believe it is the right thing. Avoid terms that imply your actions are imposed against your will by rules, laws, or norms you can’t change or by powerful people.

“Your employees are

cold and callous and made my mom cry [:( ].”

“Your employees

are unpleasant

and hurt my mom’s feelings.”

Sensory metaphors, words and phrases that express concepts by linking them to bodily experiences such as touch, smell, pain, hearing, smiles, and tears, are easier to remember, more persuasive, and more contagious.

“We’ve completed our

journey, but our friction fixing will continue.”

“We’ve reached our destination, and we did some mighty fine friction fixing.”

People who frame accomplishments as a journey are more likely to think about and learn from the path they took and persist after reaching a milestone; people who focus on the destination tend to treat it as “mission accomplished” and disengage.

Right now, you’re reading a book I’ve written. Reading and writing are both forms of communication. So are speaking and listening. In fact, those are the four basic types of communication. And think of all the hours you spend doing at least one of those four things. The ability to do them well is absolutely critical to your effectiveness. Communication is the most important skill in life. We spend most of our waking hours communicating. But consider this: You’ve spent years learning how to read and write, years learning how to speak. But what about listening? What training or education have you had that enables you to listen so that you really, deeply understand another human being from that individual’s own frame of reference? Comparatively few people have had any training in listening at all. And, for the most part, their training has been in the Personality Ethic of technique, truncated from the character base and the relationship base absolutely vital to authentic understanding of another person. If you want to interact effectively with me, to influence me—your spouse, your child, your neighbor, your boss, your coworker, your friend—you first need to understand me. And you can’t do that with technique alone. If I sense you’re using some technique, I sense duplicity, manipulation. I wonder why you’re doing it, what your motives are. And I don’t feel safe enough to open myself up to you. The real key to your influence with me is your example, your actual conduct. Your example flows naturally out of your character, or the kind of person you truly are—not what others say you are or what you may want me to think you are. It is evident in how I actually experience you. Your character is constantly radiating, communicating. From it, in the long run, I come to instinctively trust or distrust you and your efforts with me. If your life runs hot and cold, if you’re both caustic and kind, and, above all, if your private performance doesn’t square with your public performance, it’s very hard for me to open up with you. Then, as much as I may want and even need to receive your love and influence, I don’t feel safe enough to expose my opinions and experiences and my tender feelings. Who knows what will happen?