If we’re trying to persuade a skeptical audience to believe a new message, the reality is that we’re fighting an uphill battle against a lifetime of personal learning and social relationships. It would seem that there’s nothing much we can do to affect what people believe. But if we’re skeptical about our ability to affect belief, we merely have to look at naturally sticky ideas, because some of them persuade us to believe some pretty incredible things.

Whether we realize it or not, we’re all writers. We may not write books or news articles, or call ourselves authors or journalists, but we still write. We write emails to colleagues and texts to friends. We write reports for bosses and draft slide decks for clients.

We’re also all public speakers. We may not go onstage in front of thousands of people, but we all speak in public. Whether making presentations to the company or chitchatting on a first date. Whether asking donors to make a pledge or asking the kids to clean up their rooms.

But to be better writers and speakers—to communicate with intention and care—we have to know the right words to use. It’s hard to get people to listen, to pay attention, to persuade them to do what we want. And it’s hard to motivate others, encourage creativity, and build social connections.

But the right words can help.

It’s often said that certain people have a way with words. They’re persuasive and charismatic, and it seems as though they always know the right thing to say. But are the rest of us who weren’t born that way out of luck?

Not quite.

Because being a great writer or orator isn’t something you’re born with, it’s something you can learn to do. Words have an amazing impact, and by understanding when, why, and

how they work, we can use them to increase ours.

Whether you want to use language more effectively or just understand how it works, this book will show you how.

But in this context, it turned out that the exact opposite occurred. Expressing doubt about a contentious issue actually increased persuasion. Particularly among people who already had strong beliefs, hearing someone else wasn’t sure about their opinion encouraged them to change their mind in that direction.

This is why expressing doubt can help. Showing that we’re conflicted or uncertain makes us seem less threatening. Expressing doubt about one’s own view acknowledges that conflicting beliefs are valid, making the other side feel validated and more willing to listen. It recognizes that issues are complicated or nuanced, which increases receptiveness.

Uncertainty signals an openness to other perspectives. So particularly when issues are contentious or people are dug in, expressing a little doubt can actually be more persuasive.

Powerful Words

Talk That Prompts Others to Act, Persist, and Generate Imaginative Solutions

Say This

Not That

Why

“We’ve shortened all thirty-minute meetings to twenty-five and sixty-minute

meetings to fifty.”

“We’ve made our meetings shorter.”

Concrete language is more persuasive than vague

language because it demonstrates more knowledge about the details of a situation and gives more tangible guidance about what to do.

“The subtraction game is great.”

“The subtraction

game was great.”

The present tense is more persuasive than the past tense because it suggests greater confidence and

certainty about what is best to do now and about how to respond to current challenges.

“I don’t want to waste your

time.”

“I am not allowed to waste your time.”

Use terms that suggest you have chosen to act this way, that you are doing it because you have the power to do it, and you believe it is the right thing. Avoid terms that imply your actions are imposed against your will by rules, laws, or norms you can’t change or by powerful people.

“Your employees are

cold and callous and made my mom cry [:( ].”

“Your employees

are unpleasant

and hurt my mom’s feelings.”

Sensory metaphors, words and phrases that express concepts by linking them to bodily experiences such as touch, smell, pain, hearing, smiles, and tears, are easier to remember, more persuasive, and more contagious.

“We’ve completed our

journey, but our friction fixing will continue.”

“We’ve reached our destination, and we did some mighty fine friction fixing.”

People who frame accomplishments as a journey are more likely to think about and learn from the path they took and persist after reaching a milestone; people who focus on the destination tend to treat it as “mission accomplished” and disengage.