The most abstract way to answer the question is to respond that you say to your client something that will allow him to make a new observation. A more everyday way of answering is that you will speak with your client so that he will be able to see something or understand something or appreciate something that he couldn’t before.

Follow-ups work because they signal responsiveness. Rather than just being polite or asking questions to change the subject, follow-up questions demonstrate that someone listened, understood, and wants to know more.

The same goes when trying to get audiences to speak up. When making presentations or teaching complicated ideas, people often say things like “You don’t have any questions, do you?” But swapping that out for “What questions do you have?” will encourage more people to follow up if they don’t understand.

Good conversationalists ask for stories about specific events or experiences, and then they go even further. They don’t only want to talk about what happened, they want to know how you experienced what happened.

Humble questions are open-ended. They’re encouraging the other person to take control and take the conversation where they want it to go. These are questions that begin with phrases like “How did you...,” “What’s it like...,” “Tell me about...,” and “In what ways...” In her book You’re Not Listening, Kate Murphy describes a focus group moderator who was trying to understand why people go to the grocery store late at night. Instead of directly asking, “Why do you go to grocery stores late,” which can sound accusatory, she asked,

“Tell me about the last time you went to the store after 11:00 p.m.” A shy, unassuming woman who had said little up to that point raised her hand and responded, “I had just smoked a joint and was looking for a ménage à trois—me, Ben, and Jerry.