Even though nearly everyone engages in these negative behaviors at some time, I think itās worth defining them to clarify the strategies they employ.
CRITICISM ā Making disapproving judgments. Often this is a way to show that the other personās pain is their fault, which relieves us of an obligation to help.
CONTEMPT ā To despise or dishonor; to question someoneās honesty or integrity. This is usually used to deny the pain or undermine its validity. We donāt have to share what doesnāt exist.
DEFENSIVENESS ā Putting up barriers to avoid a challenge or criticism; disagreeing over circumstances or facts. Like criticism, this is usually used to deny fault or personal responsibility and thus our obligation to help.
STONEWALLING ā Delaying or blocking by refusing to answer questions or by giving evasive replies. In other words, when all else fails, we simply ignore what we donāt want to see or deal with.