The therapist is seeing the situation differently, and that itself may be helpful. When therapist and client are not in the same narrative, there is space for change.

“In some ways therapy is an artificial conversation. I don’t mean that in a negative way. I mean that you talk as though you were in a drama, where every word counts. You must understand that as therapist you have considerable power. The words you use are not the usual ones. They may be the same dictionary words, but in context they have an elevated standing. You must take care with them, because they can have more force than you intend and can either help or harm.

Of course you don’t want to confuse this capacity with professional therapy, but you can offer your care and help with some sophistication and intelligence. It would make sense to have a professional therapist visit a company and teach managers and maybe all employees how to talk to each other effectively. It is not only true that some things have to be taught but also that many things we assume don’t have to be taught do. We need some instruction on how to speak to each other in ways that help rather than hurt.

If I am dealing with a particularly shaken person, I keep the boundaries strict and firm, but with most clients I make a point to be present as more than the therapist. I talk a little about, my life. If the client asks about how things are going for me, I tell him. I may bring up an experience of mine that seems apropos. I do all this thoughtfully and minimally, just enough to be present as a person. My purpose is to serve the soul of the person I want to help. I hold back my own needs for a different occasion.

From the first moment, I’m aware that therapy is a space separate from ordinary conversation. I listen more acutely than usual. I’m tuned in to levels of communication. I listen for the appearance and sound of the soul rather than the intended communication of my client. I hear overtones and reverberations. It’s not like listening at ordinary times in life. It’s not just focused listening, it’s listening for past voices and spirits and angels, to speak metaphorically.