How to Know a Person Part 1: I SEE YOU

ONE: The Power of Being Seen

“Wise people don’t just possess information; they possess a compassionate

understanding of other people. They know about life.” (Brooks, “How to Know a Person”,

p.7)

“Being open-hearted is a prerequisite for being a full, kind, and wise human being. But it is

not enough. People need social skills.

Perhaps to really know another person, you have to have a glimmer of how they

experience the world. To really know someone, you have to know how they know you.

FIVE: What is a Person?

“And this traumatic vignette highlights a central truth about what human beings are: A person is a point of view. Every person you meet is a creative artist who takes the events of life and, over time, creates a very personal way of seeing the world. Like any artist, each person takes the experiences of a lifetime and integrates them into a complex representation of the world. That representation, the subjective consciousness that makes you you, integrates your memories, attitudes, beliefs, convictions, traumas, loves, fears,

desires, and goals into your own distinct way of seeing.” (Brooks, “How to Know a Person”,

p.64)

“People don’t see the world with their eyes; they see it with their entire life.

SIXTEEN: How Do Your Ancestors Show Up in Your Life?

“The challenge in seeing a person, therefore, is to adopt the kind of double vision I mentioned in the chapter on hard conversations. It means stepping back to appreciate the power of group culture and how it is formed over generations and then poured into a person. But it also means stepping close and perceiving each individual person in the midst of their lifelong project of crafting their own life and their own point of view, often in defiance of their group’s consciousness. The trick is to hold these two perspectives together at the same time.

To see a person well, you have to see them as culture inheritors and as culture creators.