Inevitably, anytime we are too vulnerable we feel the need to protect ourselves from further wounds. So we resort to sarcasm, cutting humor, criticismâanything that will keep from exposing the tenderness within.
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Whatever the reasons, the ways we act to protect ourselves in our relationships are fairly easy to recognize. We shield our feelings and our hearts from depending on others by doing exactly what we fear others will do to us.
⢠We donât fully commit to a relationship or a group.
⢠We aspire to be strong and independent as a way to show we donât really need a relationship or a group.
⢠We constantly search for another, better relationship (for better employees, partners, friends) or a better job; that is, we hedge our bets and withhold trust.
My friend,â I said, âyou canât talk your way out of problems you behave yourself into.
Leo Roskin taught, âIt is the weak who are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.
But defensive minds are neither creative nor cooperative.
We discovered that even seemingly trivial things often have roots in deep emotional experiences. To deal only with the superficial trivia without seeing the deeper, more tender issues is to trample on the sacred ground of anotherâs heart.