The third level of judgment is not one particular voice but a set of collective voices. Fashion establishes hemlines, nationality establishes food and beverage patterns, social class establishes decorative taste, etiquette establishes which fork to use. These invisible voices also operate in your life as a source of judgment; you are likely to conform to their dictates blindly or feel guilty if you don’t.

Your defense is not necessarily to ignore or disobey these voices. Many such “rules” offer handy guidance and eliminate constant fussing. But it is necessary to recognize each collective voice for exactly what it is: an external standard of behavior. It is also necessary to know that a collective voice is only a pretender to power. You still have the freedom to govern your own behavior.

That’s when the third level, collective judgment, zaps you: You’ve broken a social rule; you should always look happy and prosperous. Enter the fourth level. You feel bad. It’s bad to feel bad. You are bad. The judgment judges the judgment, and lays the blame of you.

Pay Attention to Your Thoughts

The first step is to become aware of the VOJ. People who have lived with this chapter’s credo are amazed at the number of negative and judgmental statements they’ve made throughout the day. One student counted eighty-seven negative judgmental thoughts on a particular Saturday and a hundred on Sunday. Usually the ratio of negative to positive thoughts is quite high - four to one, even eight to one. Several of our students used the metaphor of rodents to describe these thoughts, calling them mice, rats, or weasels.

So start noticing that the judgment is present. Tally your judgmental thoughts when that is feasible: during meetings and conversations, while driving, or when you are part of an audience and not really participating. Be especially alert to the VOJ’s presence when you have difficulty, feel fear, or feel depressed. Look to your body for clues; it will tell you when judgment is lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce. You might feel a heaviness in your cheat or an overall body tension. You might develop an upset stomach or a headache. Or you might feel blue…

Attack the Judgment

Once you’ve identified what your VOJ is saying, turn to it and yell. Keep the message short. A classic one is “Get the hell out of my life!” At this point, if the VOJ feels threatened, it might come back with a rational-sounding statement such as, “Yes, but you do know that jobs are hard to find.” This is simply a more subtle form of judgment at work. It pretends to be reality; it’s judgment in disguise. Yell at it, too - out loud if necessary…

Make the Judgment Look Ridiculous

Some people find that it is effective to take an especially bothersome statement of judgment and blow it up like a balloon until it bursts.

To do this, shut your eyes and imagine that you can hear and see a VOJ statement - maybe, “People don’t like me” - in its normal tone. Then begin to intensify and enlarge it, making it more and more strident, perhaps flashing in brilliant neon lights. Then make the voice scream out in a tremendous echo chamber, with mile-high letters in view of thousands of people.

If this works for you, you will find your own creative ways to intensify, enlarge, amplify, and explode the judgment. And you are likely to laugh out loud as you realize how significant and puny the VOJ really is - or would be without your attention to support it.

Even though nearly everyone engages in these negative behaviors at some time, I think it’s worth defining them to clarify the strategies they employ.

CRITICISM — Making disapproving judgments. Often this is a way to show that the other person’s pain is their fault, which relieves us of an obligation to help.

CONTEMPT — To despise or dishonor; to question someone’s honesty or integrity. This is usually used to deny the pain or undermine its validity. We don’t have to share what doesn’t exist.

DEFENSIVENESS — Putting up barriers to avoid a challenge or criticism; disagreeing over circumstances or facts. Like criticism, this is usually used to deny fault or personal responsibility and thus our obligation to help.

STONEWALLING — Delaying or blocking by refusing to answer questions or by giving evasive replies. In other words, when all else fails, we simply ignore what we don’t want to see or deal with.

Designers learn to have lots of wild ideas because they know that the number one enemy of

creativity is judgment. Our brains are so tightly wired to be critical, find problems, and leap to judgment that it’s a wonder any ideas ever make it out! We have to defer judgment and silence the inner critic if we want to get all our ideas out. If we don’t, we may have a few good ideas, but the majority will have been lost—silently imprisoned behind the wall of judgment our prefrontal cortex has erected to safeguard us from making mistakes or looking foolish.