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But using their first names, or words like “you,” “he,” or “she” encouraged them to think like an outsider and see the situation more positively. Rather than complaining or stressing themselves out even more, it encouraged them to provide support and advice: “Jane, you can do this. You’ve given a ton of speeches before.”

Outsider language helped speakers see things more objectively, making the situation less anxiety-inducing. They felt fewer negative emotions and appraised the situation in more positive terms. More as a challenge that they could cope with, or rise up to meet, rather than a threat that they felt unprepared for or overwhelmed by.