One critical step in this process is to re-imagine the symptom not merely as a sign of a pathological process but as an endeavour to find meaning and regain control. This would entail acknowledging rather than dismissing these often bewildering symptoms.

If the symptom is dependency, we help the person become effectively vulnerable.

The therapist is seeing the situation differently, and that itself may be helpful. When therapist and client are not in the same narrative, there is space for change.

The client, of course, thinks that the opposite place is glorious, the solution, happiness. The woman who thinks she is too weak would like desperately to be strong and powerful. But in fact she is already forceful, only her power is not effective and is hidden to her eyes. She does not know she is so controlling and full of muscle in her relationships. But if you were to talk to her friends, you would probably hear many stories about her annoying power issues and tendency to control. People who identify as being passive are often hyperactive and strong-willed.

If you pay attention to chronic victims, you’ll notice how fragile they are— how dependent their attitudes and feelings are on things they don’t control. When things go their way, they’re happy; when things don’t, they’re defensive, passive-aggressive, and occasionally aggressive-aggressive. If their spouse is in a bad mood, they’re in a bad mood too. If they hit traffic on the way to work, they bring their anger and frustration to work with them. If a project they’re leading isn’t on track, they blame someone on their team.