I just figured, though, that since failure was not an option, Iād have to give it everything I had. My only strength has always been the fact that I work hard and can take a lot physically. Iām more a workhorse than a racehorse.
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And because of this we have the extraordinary situation in which quite a few people read what Iāve written. So the fact that Iām me and no one else is one of my greatest assets. Emotional hurt is the price a person has to pay in order to be independent.
But I donāt think itās merely willpower that makes you able to do something. The world isnāt that simple. To tell the truth, I donāt even think thereās that much correlation between my running every day and whether or not I have a strong will. I think Iāve been able to run for more than twenty years for a simple reason: It suits me. Or at least because I donāt find it all that painful. Human beings naturally continue doing things they like, and they donāt continue what they donāt like. Admittedly, something close to will does play a small part in that. But no matter how strong a will a person has, no matter how much he may hate to lose, if itās an activity he doesnāt really care for, he wonāt keep it up for long. Even if he did, it wouldnāt be good for him.
Since Iām a writer with limitsāan imperfect person living an imperfect, limited lifeāthe fact that I can still feel this way is a real accomplishment. Calling it a miracle might be an exaggeration, but I really do feel this way. And if running every day helps me accomplish this, then Iām very grateful to running.
From out of the failures and joys I always try to come away having grasped a concrete lesson. (Itās got to be concrete, no matter how small it is.) And I hope that, over time, as one race follows another, in the end Iāll reach a place Iām content with. Or maybe just catch a glimpse of it. (Yes, thatās a more appropriate way of putting it.)
I didnāt want to write too much about myself, but if I didnāt honestly talk about what needed to be said, writing this book would have been pointless. I needed to revisit the manuscript many times over a period of time; otherwise I wouldnāt have been able to explore these delicate layers.