Since Iām a writer with limitsāan imperfect person living an imperfect, limited lifeāthe fact that I can still feel this way is a real accomplishment. Calling it a miracle might be an exaggeration, but I really do feel this way. And if running every day helps me accomplish this, then Iām very grateful to running.
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No matter how mundane some action might appear, keep at it long enough and it becomes a contemplative, even meditative act. As a writer, then, and as a runner, I donāt find that writing and publishing a book of my own personal thoughts about running makes me stray too far off my usual path. Perhaps Iām just too painstaking a type of person, but I canāt grasp much of anything without putting down my thoughts in writing, so I had to actually get my hands working and write these words. Otherwise, Iād never know what running means to me.
When I finished the novel I had a good feeling that Iād created my own writing style. My whole body thrilled at the thought of how wonderfulāand how difficultāit is to be able to sit at my desk, not worrying about time, and concentrate on writing. There were untouched veins still dormant within me, I felt, and now I could actually picture myself making a living as a novelist. So in the end the fallback idea of opening a small bar again never materialized. Sometimes, though, even now, I think how nice it would be to run a little bar somewhere.
But I donāt think itās merely willpower that makes you able to do something. The world isnāt that simple. To tell the truth, I donāt even think thereās that much correlation between my running every day and whether or not I have a strong will. I think Iāve been able to run for more than twenty years for a simple reason: It suits me. Or at least because I donāt find it all that painful. Human beings naturally continue doing things they like, and they donāt continue what they donāt like. Admittedly, something close to will does play a small part in that. But no matter how strong a will a person has, no matter how much he may hate to lose, if itās an activity he doesnāt really care for, he wonāt keep it up for long. Even if he did, it wouldnāt be good for him.
The remaining majority of writers who canāt reach such heights (including me, of course) have to supplement whatās missing from their store of talent through whatever means they can. Otherwise itās impossible for them to keep on writing novels of any value. The methods and directions a writer takes in order to supplement himself becomes part of that writerās individuality, what makes him special.
Competing against time isnāt important. Whatās going to be much more meaningful to me now is how much I can enjoy myself, whether I can finish twenty-six miles with a feeling of contentment. Iāll enjoy and value things that canāt be expressed in numbers, and Iāll grope for a feeling of pride that comes from a slightly different place.