The symptom of being too dependent becomes the virtue of being appropriately vulnerable and open to influence. Anger becomes personal power. Jealousy becomes a capacity for intimacy and interdependency.
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Here is someone who needs to learn better how to let others have some power and influence over her without her feeling too dependent.
If the symptom is dependency, we help the person become effectively vulnerable.
The client, of course, thinks that the opposite place is glorious, the solution, happiness. The woman who thinks she is too weak would like desperately to be strong and powerful. But in fact she is already forceful, only her power is not effective and is hidden to her eyes. She does not know she is so controlling and full of muscle in her relationships. But if you were to talk to her friends, you would probably hear many stories about her annoying power issues and tendency to control. People who identify as being passive are often hyperactive and strong-willed.
The jealous person doesnât have to find it in himself to love without possessing. The spiritual person has found a way to be good and virtuous. The inferior one doesnât have to be somebody and enter the fray of life with strength.
If you pay attention to chronic victims, youâll notice how fragile they areâ how dependent their attitudes and feelings are on things they donât control. When things go their way, theyâre happy; when things donât, theyâre defensive, passive-aggressive, and occasionally aggressive-aggressive. If their spouse is in a bad mood, theyâre in a bad mood too. If they hit traffic on the way to work, they bring their anger and frustration to work with them. If a project theyâre leading isnât on track, they blame someone on their team.